I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
