"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
