best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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