Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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