upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
