Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
