If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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