Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
