so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
