It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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