when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
