Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
