You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
