So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
