woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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