I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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