i permit you to call me
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
why is half of my head shaved?
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