saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
