singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
