if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
