Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
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