did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
