if you like me you must not know who I am
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
