you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
