dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
