sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
