My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
