Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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