I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
