Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
