She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
