I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Randomize
