I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
