Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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