maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
