Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
