I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
