i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
