found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
