i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I touched a dick in church today
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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