I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
