My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
