Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Is it because I queefed?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
