She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I'm passing your future prison.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
