Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
