drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
