we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
