Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
