some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
