I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
