Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
