I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
