I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Are we still banned from the library?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize