good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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