No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
