Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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