sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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