I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm really into asian looking animals
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
