my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
