Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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