what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
smell my finger.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
