she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I am spending my child support on dildos
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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