I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
