My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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