This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
