Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
