I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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