No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
