She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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