You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
ttyl tear gas
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
