then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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