I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
