he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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