found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
