have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
