Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
