Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
