dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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