Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I am a bulletproof tiger!

(615): View more from Tennessee

Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.

(828): View more from North Carolina

I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one

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(973): View more from New Jersey

searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy

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(203): View more from Connecticut

Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.

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(757): View more from Virginia

almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card

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(601): View more from Mississippi

I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.

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(303): View more from Colorado

He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.

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