dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
